A tip for navigating conflict | Finding your Wise Mind
We all experience conflict, it is a normal part of each and every relationship to experience these ups and downs and to disagree at times. I would argue that disagreeing is more helpful than not having conflict at all (in moderation).
However, there are times where conflict can escalate to an unhelpful point - whether that be yelling and name-calling or shutting down and stonewalling.
Understanding the states of mind
We can conceptualise these behaviours from a Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) perspective, that these behaviours are reactive responses from our Emotion Mind or our Rational Mind, which can sometimes lead to chaotic decisions, or emotion suppression.
One way out of this, is finding your Wise Mind.
Emotion Mind: The part of ourselves driven by feelings and impulses.
Rational Mind: The part of ourselves driven by logic and facts.
Wise Mind: A balance between the two minds, acknowledging feeling and using logic at the same time.
Finding your Wise Mind
Moving into your Wise Mind takes practice. It’s about slowing down the "reactivity" so you can "respond" instead. Here are a few ways to find your center during a disagreement:
Deep breathing: Use a slow inhale and exhale to settle your nervous system and notice where you are holding tension.
Checking in and reframing: Ask yourself: Does this really matter in the long run? What am I actually trying to communicate right now?
Self-regulation: Check in with your needs. What do I need in this moment? How can I comfort myself?
If you’d like to explore Wise Mind more together, you can book in directly with me online or send through an enquiry.
A Note on Safety: While the tips above are designed for navigating healthy conflict, they do not apply to situations of abuse or violence. If you are experiencing domestic or family violence, please know that support is available. You can contact 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) or visit 1800respect.org.aufor confidential 24/7 support. If you are in immediate danger, call 000.
